When Niceness Fails

BP_22-WomanYelling_CaptionFew things will test a person’s character like a divorce. If you’ve been following my blog, you know that I typically advise my client’s to keep things calm, be reasonable, and try to work peaceably toward a sensible resolution. I have seen cases, however, when the opposing party seems determined to walk away with everything, or to inflict as much emotional pain on my client as possible. In those cases, playing defense simply isn’t enough, and depending on the circumstance I will sometimes advise my client as follows:

Push Your Soon-To-Be Ex’s Buttons. Just like nobody knows how to push your buttons more than they do, nobody knows how to push their buttons better than you. If you can get him/her to lose control and you document their behavior, it may just give you the leverage you need to get something that is important to you. If they are trying to irritate you, return the favor.

Proceed with Caution! Only use this tactic if you’re confident that you can control your own emotions throughout the exchange. Typically, the more calm you remain, the more it will irritate your soon-to-be Ex. Secondly, push their buttons without being obvious, and never try to agitate someone who is likely to cause you physical harm.

By | 2016-10-27T00:30:12+00:00 August 18th, 2016|Categories: Divorce, Family Law-General, Mediation|Tags: |0 Comments

Can’t We All Just Get Along?

Or at Least Have a Say in Your Own Fate?

BP_20-CoupleFighting_Blackboard_CaptionSeriously, it makes the most sense to actually work toward resolution rather than pay lip service to it while quietly working on your Ex’s last nerve. Earnest efforts toward resolution will get you through the process faster and cost you less in attorney’s fees. Your attorney will ensure that:

1. You are protected

2. The resolution is fair to both you and your soon-to-be-Ex, and

3. You won’t have to leave your fate to someone else to decide, i.e., a judge!

No matter how crazy your Ex is, working with them is better than making them angry and waiting to see what accusations will come out of their mouth in front of a judge. Everyone has a nugget that they’ve been holding onto, and having to deal with it on the fly in a courtroom is never easy. Think about it…What tidbit do you NOT want in the Court record, that your Ex would just LOVE to hold over your head until ALL the kids turn 18? Avoid all that by actually working with your attorney, not against your Ex.

By | 2016-10-27T00:30:12+00:00 August 5th, 2016|Categories: Divorce, Mediation|Tags: , |0 Comments

Three Things You Don’t Want to Do During a Divorce:

BP_19-WomanLosingHerTemper_Caption1. Don’t Argue Religion.
You are not going to convert anybody during your divorce case, but you can turn your soon-to-be Ex against you and set yourself up to look like a hypocrite. I’ve seen it happen.

2. Don’t Make Proposals You Are Not Fully Prepared to Live With.
It’s a good way to either destroy your credibility or end up having to live with something you didn’t want, all because you opened your mouth when your emotions were running high. Which leads me to my last point.

3. Don’t Give Your Ex Access To Your Emotions.
They will use them to manipulate you. They will use them to irritate you into doing something they can use against you, or use them to make you look easily manipulated. Either way, you lose.

By | 2016-10-27T00:30:12+00:00 July 28th, 2016|Categories: Divorce, Mediation|Tags: |0 Comments

Coaching Father on Mediation Process Leads to Favorable Outcome.

This is the second post in a three part series in which I highlight positive outcomes for cases that I’ve handled over the years and what you can learn from them. This is not a representation of the outcome in your particular case, but rather an explanation of what happened in these specific cases:


Father Walking To School With Children On Way To Work

All custody cases must go through a mediation process in hopes the parents will settle their differences without a trial. Mediators are county employees tasked with hearing each side’s case and writing a report to the Judge based on the mediation session. Their recommendations carry tremendous weight. A Judge MUST: follow the mediator’s recommendation, or cite special circumstances or give good cause for doing something different.

Therefore, how a parent manages their mediation session can have far-reaching consequences.

In a recent case, all previous reports had been unfavorable to my client who was a Father seeking custody of his children. With my coaching, he received his first favorable report and was granted custody of his children during the school year.

Knowing how the system works, and learning how to present yourself can make all the difference. Let me show you how.

 

By | 2016-10-27T00:30:12+00:00 June 17th, 2016|Categories: Custody, Divorce, Family Law-General, Mediation|Tags: , |0 Comments