The Quickest Way to a Costly Divorce Settlement


Of all the things you can do to shoot yourself in the foot during a divorce, this one tops the list. Talking to your Ex about legal issues or personal things that they don’t need to know about. It will cost you money, frustrate your attorney, and set you up for disappointment. And who wants that?

It happens more than you think. You hire an attorney, but between all of the child exchanges and communications with your Ex, you get tired and forget that there is a line between co-parenting and litigation that shouldn’t be crossed. The next thing you know, something you’ve said in a moment of (frustration/irritation/exasperation) has tipped your hand in favor of your Ex, and his/her attorney will use that to prove that your Ex’s behavior has been corrected (at least temporarily right before the hearing) or to use against you. Either way, you have just given away your best chance of getting the modification you have spent so much time working towards.

Talk to your Ex about the kid’s homework, about soccer practice, about rehearsals, but don’t talk to them about anything beyond parenting. Handling legal matters is your attorney’s job. Let your attorney do what you hired them to do without making them jump through more hoops because you opened your mouth about a recent purchase, the party you attended or the lavish trip you took, or whatever. Sometimes the best way to help your attorney help you, is to remain silent.

When Niceness Fails

BP_22-WomanYelling_CaptionFew things will test a person’s character like a divorce. If you’ve been following my blog, you know that I typically advise my client’s to keep things calm, be reasonable, and try to work peaceably toward a sensible resolution. I have seen cases, however, when the opposing party seems determined to walk away with everything, or to inflict as much emotional pain on my client as possible. In those cases, playing defense simply isn’t enough, and depending on the circumstance I will sometimes advise my client as follows:

Push Your Soon-To-Be Ex’s Buttons. Just like nobody knows how to push your buttons more than they do, nobody knows how to push their buttons better than you. If you can get him/her to lose control and you document their behavior, it may just give you the leverage you need to get something that is important to you. If they are trying to irritate you, return the favor.

Proceed with Caution! Only use this tactic if you’re confident that you can control your own emotions throughout the exchange. Typically, the more calm you remain, the more it will irritate your soon-to-be Ex. Secondly, push their buttons without being obvious, and never try to agitate someone who is likely to cause you physical harm.

By | 2016-10-27T00:30:12+00:00 August 18th, 2016|Categories: Divorce, Family Law-General, Mediation|Tags: |0 Comments