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Periodically, I will post helpful information. My posts are searchable by category, and shared out of a desire to assist you with legal concerns. I invite your comments!

– Curtis W. Daugherty

May 2016

With all of the potentially disastrous outcomes in a divorce, the one you really don’t want to mess up on is Child Visitation, and navigating this issue isn’t as common sense as you might think. You’ll do well to remember the following:

1. Passing on a Scheduled Visitation Doesn’t Give you the Right to Withhold Visitation.

So you passed up a chance to spend time with your kids because of a scheduling conflict. Your Ex got to keep them for that weekend, so to even the score, you deny your Ex a scheduled visitation. It’s only fair, right? Not to the courts. Taking this approach is refusing to comply with a court order. It’s a good way to lose time with your kids, end up paying more child support, or get thrown in jail for contempt. Don’t do it!

Family law courts are courts of equity. If you don’t do the right thing by your Ex, the court will do what it can to balance the scales in your Ex’s favor.e scales in your Ex’s favor.

2. Don’t Withhold Visitation for Failure to Pay Child Support or Vise Versa.

This is another way to wind up in jail for contempt, and for your Ex to wind up with the kids. It’s also a good way to end up paying more child support. As I’ve mentioned before, the courts are courts of equity, and it’s their job to tip the scales for the sake of fairness. Tip them yourself, and it will backfire every time. As I’ve mentioned before, the courts are courts of equity, and it’s their job to tip the scales for the sake of fairness. Tip them yourself, and it will backfire every time. As I’ve mentioned before, the courts are courts of equity, and it’s their job to tip the scales for the sake of fairness. Tip them yourself, and it will backfire every time.

3. Make Sure You Read and Understand All Court Orders in Your Case.

This is true for any and all issues in your divorce, but I mention it here because dealing with children is an emotionally charged issue, and parents find it tempting to bend the rules. Know and understand what you’ve been ordered to do by the court, and do it. “I didn’t know” or “I forgot” or “I didn’t think that’s what the order said” is not going to cut it with the judge. It’s also a good way to get thrown in jail for contempt.

1. If You Have Kids, Divorce is Not the End of Your Relationship With Your Ex.

Until your youngest child turns eighteen, you are going to be dealing with your Ex. That means birthdays, holidays, family gatherings, etc. If you are unreasonable or just difficult with your Ex now, chances are your Ex will be difficult with you, something that could go on for years.

Family law courts are courts of equity. If you don’t do the right thing by your Ex, the court will do what it can to balance the scales in your Ex’s favor.

2. Remember: Do The Right Thing if You Expect The Court To Do The Right Thing.

Family law courts are courts of equity. If you don’t do the right thing by your Ex, the court will do what it can to balance the scales in your Ex’s favor.

3. Don’t Make Verbal Agreements With Your Ex.

I know it’s a pain to document everything that transpires, but if you don’t, you run the risk that your Ex will later deny a particular agreement with you, leaving you the impossible task of trying to prove it later. Trust me. If it’s not in writing, it doesn’t exist. If your Ex is not completely trustworthy, either write everything down on paper and have them sign it, or send a text or email confirming the agreement. If you don’t, you’ll wish you had.

1. Don’t Bring Your New Boyfriend / Girlfriend to Court.

• You are required to go through the process of divorce in a way that does not cause your soon-to-be Ex any more pain than necessary, and bringing your new significant other to court is seen by the judge as a deliberate attempt on your part to inflict emotional pain.

• Your new significant other could be called as a witness in your divorce case, and giving your Ex’s attorney a chance to question them under oath probably won’t end well for you.

2. Don’t Talk While Others Are Talking. Every word said in court is captured by a court reporter, and the reporter can only do this if one person speaks at a time. A court hearing is a time to be very professional and respectful. Talking over someone else will only make the judge irritated with you, and do you really want to annoy the person deciding the outcome of your case?

3. Don’t Bring Your Minor Children to Court. It is against the law to bring minors to court or even to the courthouse. If you do, it will show that you don’t know how to make intelligent decisions, making it easier for opposing council to convince the court that the kids are better off in the custody of your Ex.

April 2016

1. Don’t Be Your Own Lawyer.
In the long run, trying to save a few bucks could cost you more than just money. Why?

First, some things handled during the legal process can’t be modified, so if you get it wrong, you are stuck with it.
Second, a poorly drafted pleading can and will be used against you in court, preventing you from getting the things that are most important to you.
Third, it is far more expensive to modify a poorly written child custody, visitation, or property settlement agreement than it is to get it right the first time. The money you try to save in the beginning probably won’t cover the cost of fixing the mistakes you are likely to make while trying to do it on your own.

2. Don’t Discuss the Advice or Strategy You Received From Your Lawyer With Others.
Discussing things with others destroys the attorney-client privilege. This permits your Ex’s attorney to force your family and friends to testify in court about what you and your attorney said to each other, something that will probably work against you.

3. Don’t Do Anything In Public You Aren’t Prepared To Explain In Court.
Everyone has a cell phone with a camera in it, and it’s not unusual for people to take pictures when they are out in public and post them on social media. Your photo could be taken by anyone, the person sitting at a nearby table, someone who may not even in your group. If you get your picture taken while doing something you don’t want your soon-to-be Ex to know about, there’s a good chance they will find it and use it against you. When in public, behave like your soon-to-be Ex is watching.

1. Avoid Alienating the Children From Your Ex.
Trying to turn the kids against the Ex will eventually turn them against you. Kids grow up and think for themselves, and when they do, they’ll realize what you’ve been up to. This will not end well for you. Nobody likes to hear others say bad things about their parents, even when it is their other parent. The kids love and need you both.

2. Make All Support Payments With a Check.
If you voluntarily give your Ex money, or can’t prove you made a support payment, then the court won’t give you credit for it and you will have to pay twice. If the payment in question is court ordered support, your inability to prove payment could get you jailed for contempt—every month! Cash may be king, but it’s not your friend.

3. Keep a Visitation Diary
When your Ex can’t follow the visitation order, or constantly wants to see the kids during your designated time with little or no advanced notice, write it down when it happens. It will look more credible if it is noted in real time, and will help show the court that your Ex is being difficult and failing to work with you.

Divorce is never fun. But you can make things easier on yourself if you prepare:

Weigh the Trial of Your Case in Economic and Non-Economic Terms. Sure you want to win, but don’t let the desire to “best” your ex in a competition cloud your judgement. Remember, the romance is gone, and now it’s just a matter of money and custody. It doesn’t make sense to spend money to get what was offered to you before trial, and being stubborn can result in getting grilled by an attorney about your drug use, DUI, gambling habit or porn viewing.

Take An Inventory of Household Items. You will need to inventory the stuff that has to be divided. You also may need to prove what has been removed or destroyed. If nothing else, walk through the house with a video camera and video everything. You’ll find it helpful when you have to create the list.

Keep a Divorce Diary. Notes that you make about your Ex’s actions or failures to act at that particular time, have much more credibility in court than notes you create after the fact. Whenever your soon-to-be Ex fails to pay support, forgets to pick up the kids, does not follow existing court orders or does anything negative, write it down when it happens. If you don’t, you’ll wish you had, and if you try to write it down later, you’ll just look vindictive.